I have PTSD

I was a Marine and I was a soldier

I served my country with honor, both in peacetime as well as in war

I’ve been called “hero” but I simply followed orders

I did so voluntarily, for tradition and to serve our great nation

The “heroes” are my fallen brothers and sisters who will never return home

Not a day goes by that I don’t see their faces and hear their voices

Not a night goes by without the same

I scream the same question, over and over every day, yet no one can hear

Why did i get to come back? I’m nobody special

I see the pain in the faces of families of the fallen

They are sons, daughters, wives and husbands

They will never again get to see their loved ones, as I get to do every day

What makes me so special?

I want so bad to take their pain away, but there is nothing i can do

I can’t help but constantly remember….that could’ve been me

I used to love to sleep at night

But now i know that’s when the demons come

My wife, she loves me, yet cannot sleep with me at night

I wake startled in the middle of the night…….it’s so dark and quiet and no one to say…”It’s all right”

I have to take a pill every night and hope….will I sleep well tonight?

I already know the answer…it’s going to be a fight.

I try to talk about it, but the words are hard to come by

I push the ones who love me away and think I’m protecting them

All the while screaming for their loving embrace

This thing I have, it strains my marriage

it threatens to take what little I have

I want to scream “Please help me!”

But i don’t know how to do that

I have been laughed at for having this, even by those I thought I could trust

When people ask and I tell them I’m a disabled veteran, I see their eyes gaze up and down

I wonder what they are thinking, so then I explain it yet again

Not all wounds are visible; this one is hardest to treat

I see my counselors and talk to other vets, those who will understand

I know i will have this for the rest of my life

And so i cope with it, morning, noon and night

I hope everyone reads this, and maybe someone it will help

Because it takes a lot of courage to stand up and say……

“I have PTSD….can someone please help?”